Thinking Too Much

May 7-14

Lived

- Tuesday i finally finished taking Braden's senior pictures and headed back to Cedar with Sarah. Its a miracle, tomorrow it will be an entire week since i was in the valley.

- Wednesday Kaden, Leighton and I packed up and headed to Provo. It was nice to be going on a little trip together even if it was just to pick up Bronco parts. At least that made it exciting for Kaden. We drove up picked up the parts, went to dinner with Whitney, and then hung out with her and Bradon at our hotel, staid the night, went to ikea and winco (Kaden wasn't as impressed as i thought he would be) and then headed home. Very quick trip but nice to be together.

- Friday we finally went and saw Avengers. We didn't get a ticket on our way this time and we were 15 minutes early. It really so nice to be on time for things. The movie was amazing just like we thought it would be, and Leighton did great through it. I actually think the movie was a little too loud for her, but she slept through the entire thing.

-Saturday and Sunday Kaden had to work. So Saturday i slept in, cleaned a little, and worked on pictures. All in between Leighton's thousands of feedings. I swear she goes through a growth spurt every week where she literally wants to eat every hour. She definitely is a little piglet. Sunday Leighton and I went to church and then drove down and met my parents in Saint George after relief society. It was so nice to spend Mothers Day with my mom and even my grandma. I only wish Kaden would have been there. Actually i wish Kaden would have just remembered it was Mothers Day. I waited all day for him to get home so i could open my gift with him there, instead he came home took a shower and went to bed. Needless to say i was not very happy. I told him today could be a do over, we will see what happens i guess.

Waking up happy at 11:30

Editing pictures with Leighton and Tiffany

Learned

- So i have come to realize that i am completely ready to graduate. Not in two years when i will be able to even though i only have 9 credits left to take for an Elementary Education major, but like right now. Wednesday i go in to meet with my councilor about my graduation options. I really don't care to teach anytime soon because all i really want to do is be a mom for now. So we will see what happens, but i have been thinking about this way too much lately. I pray and think, pray and think, and then i feel like i am going crazy. Every time i make a decision i feel comfortable with it except with adding another two years to finish 9 credits. I almost might as well graduate and go straight to a masters program if i want to take that long to graduate.

Loved

- I truly love being a mom. I absolutely could not imagine a life with out my daughter or a life of doing anything else. I know i have only been a mom for just over 7 weeks now but it is truly the most fulfilling and loving experience no matter how hard it is sometimes. I am sure i will have my share of frustrations and wants of my own while raising Leighton, but i cant ever imagine putting anything before her needs or wants. She is beautiful and perfect to me.

Mothers day gift to myself- fitting into pre prego jeans for the first time.

- I Love my mom! She has taught me so much in my life and has always been there for me. When i look back at being little and the things i did with my mom i don't remember things like her teaching me how to tie my shoes or braid my hair, but i remember cuddling with her on the couch or in our old blue chair or her letting me explore and play with bugs and have a billion cats and her teaching me to love through her love and example to me. As i got older my mom became my best friend. In high school i didn't always tell her everything but i knew she would listen and be understanding when i did. When i moved away after high school i started talking to my mom at least every day. Now that i am married and have my own daughter she has been there to help me as much as i would ask. I couldn't imagine a better mother for me. I love her so much and i am so grateful for her.


- I Love my mother in law as well. She has raised such an amazing son who is hard working and wants nothing but the best for his family. She is such a great example to me of sacrifice and love, i couldn't imagine raising four boys and not getting to have a daughter. Luckily she is blessed with all grand daughters so far. She is always there for me to talk to and has supported me and Kaden in our decisions. I am so grateful to be her daughter now. I am also grateful that she was in tune with the spirit enough to know that she should set me and Kaden up together while he was on his mission. With out her doing that i am sure Kaden and I would have never ended up together.

Short Week

May 1-6

Lived

- Twice this week i have packed up and drove down to Logandale. Honestly Leighton and I have spent more time down here lately than at home. After this week I think I will stay home until Leighton's blessing. Our first trip down on Monday was to go with my mom and Grandma Handy to Vegas to pick out fabric for Leighton's blessing dress. I am so excited for it. I know it's going to be beautiful! Now we are back down to finish taking senior pictures, but this time we are lucky to have Kaden with us. We both missed him too much so we wouldn't have came without him.

- While in Vegas on Tuesday I happened to lose my iPhone and didn't even realize it was gone until almost midnight that night. I swore it must have been stollen out of my purse when we went to Winco (one of the happiest places on earth). I had my phone all shut off in case it was stollen so no one could get into my accounts. Like the dits that I am I left it on a pattern table at JoAnns and thanks to a miracle they actually had it still. Vein disconnected from my phone. For a day wasn't bad but the thought of losing everything on my phone made me absolutely sick. I really need to start taking pictures if Leighton with a real camera. Almost all of the picture i have of her are on my phone.

- Friday Kaden and I decided we were going to go see the Avengers. We have been waiting forever for this movie to come out and I can't lie we are pretty excited about it. We have this habit though of being late to movies and just about everything. So we leave the house with Kaden all grumpy and of course he has to speed the entire way, faster than the equinox wants to go and guess what we ended up missing the movie. Kaden got pulled over and got a ticket for 15 over. I wanted to scream! For now on i think i will drive where ever we will go. Oh and when we were pulled over the officer gave us a huge lecture on our the baby carrier handle being up while we were in the car. I understand the reason except for at the hospital we were told our model was fine to have it, our car seat manual says its fine, and it even says on the side of the carrier that it is fine. I told the officer to look at the carrier and that it said the handle could be up while in the vehicle. He totally blew me off and didn't believe me. Anyone else know anything about this?

- Friday night was Grace's May day dance. We went and watched. It was great that Kyle and Jess got there early enough to get a spot right by where Grace was dancing. She was a little shy like always, but she did Great!

I got mad at my bangs and chopped them off.

Learned

- Kaden and I booked a cruise from an entire week the first week of October. I realized since i do so much driving, i am slacking on my hole getting into shape plan. Saturday night Katie and i went to the High School and did an awesome work out. I even did some hurdles, and wow am graceful when i do them, not. I realized though i really need to step up my level of intensity now that i am past six weeks and i have reached a very flabby plateau of toning up and losing weight.

work out

after work out

- A major thing i learned this week though was that i really do not have the time to do pictures at the moment. As much as i love to do them, it really is too time consuming for Leighton's schedule. I really liked doing these last senior pictures that i did, but until i know i will be able to focus just on getting pictures edited and have the time to take them i wont be doing them. I really need to focus on Leighton, and Kaden and my home right now.

I also learned how to make onion rings.

Loved

- I know i already said this but i loved Kaden going to Logandale with Leighton and me. I also loved that we went out to dinner with my parents while we were there and that Leighton slept through the entire night Saturday night. She is starting to sleep at least 6 hours every night and i feel like a new woman!

Sleeping through the night

Some Leighton Love

I have a thing for jinxing myself

Lived

- After going home to Kaden last week he decided he was going to spend the weekend out in the hills with some friends. So I packed up Leighton and mines things and we headed right back to Logandale Friday afternoon. I was sad to be away from Kaden again so quickly but glad that he was going to have some fun.

- I got to have some fun over the weekend too. It was my best friend Camille's bachelorette party in Vegas and my family was willing to watch Leighton for me. Let me tell you, it is not easy leaving my beautiful little 1 month old behind. Sometimes I was wishing I took her with me but I was glad I didn't when we went dancing both Friday and Saturday night. Camille is one lucky girl, not only does she have me as a friend ;) but she has a bunch of other amazing girls by her side as well. It was so nice getting to know all of them and getting to really play in Vegas with ladies who know how. Saturday night we got all done up, went out to Dinner, and then headed to Hyde an upscale club at the Bellagio. We danced our little hearts out. But sadly I couldn't stay all night because I was on a strict pumping schedule and realized I was way overdue when I leaked all down my dress. Luckily everyone knew I just had a baby (seriously everyone, once cami got a few drinks in her she let everyone know how good I looked for having a baby.) and luckily this was not the most embarrassing thing that happened to me all night. I am sadly so serious about this, I fell flat in my face in a heels and a short dress in middle of the cosmopolitan. It was great, one moment I was looking at my phone, the next I was eye to eye will the slick marbled floor. What can I say I'm pretty talented.

- Leighton and I stayed in the valley until Wednesday. It felt like forever being away from Kaden for so long. After doing some senior photos on Wednesday I quickly packed up with the help of my sister and took off towards home. Just getting back to Cedar was an all day event. I had to stop to feed Leighton and could only offer her a bottle ( the result of something I learned) and then she had a major blowout all over me and herself. So I looked real good shopping at both Target and Costco poop stains all down my legs.

(Grandma Handy's first time holding Leighton)

Learned

- Tuesday and Wednesday I learned that while I am at my parents I should carry around a box with a lock on it to keep Leightons stuff in like her diapers, wipes, bowes, toys and nipple shields. Within 24 hours my sister hannah's dog ruined a bow, dragged countless clean diapers under my parents bed, took off with Leighton's bunny rattle and worst of all, ate all three of my nipple shields that I have to use in order to get Leighton to latch. My result of not being able to feed for an entire day even though I tried to pump is... wait for it... Mastitis (woo hoo!) I could seriously only hope that wiener dog turns into a coyote meal at the moment. I have never felt so sick in my life. Within an hour of realizing I had it I got a fever that even with taking 800 Motrin was at 101 and not going down, felt like every gland on my body was swollen, like my entire body was bruised, I was going to throw up, and my boob needed to be removed. 2 lortab, another Motrin, and 4 antibiotics later I felt like I was able to function. Never again will I leave anything of Leightons out, nor will I skip a feeding.

Sleepy Girl

- The most important thing I learned this week is that I really do jinx myself. When I was pregnant with Leighton a friend asked if she ever got the hiccups, I replied with a no never, from that moment on (even still) she was the hiccup queen. Then when Leighton was almost 3 weeks old I was asked if I was just so tired all the time. I replied no she sleeps great it's amazing. By my last post you can tell how long that lasted, and she is still colicy. Now the last thing, at Camille's Bach party everyone asked don't you get sire from nursing, of course I replied no it's been great and abracadabra sore nipples and mastitis. I am never answering positively to another question again.

Tiffany likes to lay on Leighton

Loved

- I loved getting to do a little senior pictures photo shoot. I always forget how much taking pictures makes me happy when I take such long breaks in between shoots. I am hoping as soon as I get settled in to being a mom I will have more time for pictures. I love taking, and editing them and really would like to become better at both as well.

- I once again loved coming home to Kaden. There is just something about missing my husband that makes me love being with him that much more. Especially when I come home to him and he completely takes care of me, wish I hadnt been sick, but I loved Kaden wanting to help me. It really was so sweet.

- I also loved playing with Leighton, like always. She is getting so big so fast. She bears weight on her legs, pushes herself up when she is on her stomach, completely holds her head up, makes some cute noises, and smiles so big! I love, love, love her smiles! She will just sit there and smile at me and make noises and really react to what she sees and hears it's pretty amazing.

A Need for Sleep

( A couple weeks late)
Lived

- Last week Cedar was cold and blizzardy and Leighton was fussy and not feeling well. I think she is colicy and it was very frustrating for both her and me. So after a week of screaming, rocking, crying, and feeding along with zero adult interaction, a week with dirty hair and my only work out being walking from the couch to my bed and back to the couch I decided I needed to get out of Cedar. So after realizing how depressed I was getting I packed up mine and Leighton's things and headed to Logandale. Leighton did great on our drive and slept the entire time. Which seriously felt like the first Once we got to the valley we got dressed and headed to the fair. I wasn't planning on going this year but I was glad to watch the hypnotist and eat some greasy fair food and luckily Leighton stayed happy up until we were ready to leave.

- Being in Logandale so far has felt amazing. I can't wait to get back home to Kaden but I'm sure he has loved all the sleep he has got since we left. While I've been down here I have gotten more sleep than before I had Leighton, washed my hair, been able to spend time with my younger sisters and go running outside. Like I said A-MA-ZING!

Learned

- I would have to say that the biggest thing I learned this week is that I have a serious need to take care of myself. When I first had Leighton I told Kaden that I felt like super woman. All of the sudden little to no sleep was alright, if I didn't get to wash my hair for a few days I didn't care, and being in the house all the time was no problem. But after 3 weeks of this I honestly started to feel depressed. I am sure the fact that it was still cold and snowy and that Leighton was so fussy didn't help but I felt myself getting sadder and sadder every day and feeling disconnected. Then the uncontrollable crying came. As soon as Kaden left for work Saturday I started balling. I didn't stop until I was half way to Logandale the next day. Being with my family, having some sun, getting some sleep, and running a few miles really made me feel so much better. As much as taking care of my beautiful little Leighton is my first priority I really need to make some time for myself too.

Loved

- As great as this week has been spending time with my family I absolutely loved coming home to Kaden. I was so excited driving back to Cedar that I felt twitterpaited. Being away from Kaden is always hard. But seeing each other again is always sweet.

I also loved coming home to a clean house. My sister Sarah stayed up the night before I came back and cleaned the kitchen, the floors and the living room.

(I know it looks like all Leighton does is sleep, but its not, i just needed to share the few moments that she did)