Life is Beautiful

As I stood in my living room this afternoon, bouncing Emersyn to sleep I felt overwhelmed with a feeling of comfort. For that brief moment I knew I was doing exactly what I am meant to do.

Ever since I returned home from Nashville I have felt a little lost and out of place. Camille and I decided that it was best if she was the sole owner of the store. I am happy with the decision we made but it doesn't make it any easier. For the past year it has been all I have thought about, worked on and dreamed of. I even forgot I was pregnant because I was so focused on the store. What an adventure the past year has been. I have grown in ways i never knew i could and learned so many things that will help me in any direction i decide to go from here.

Since we won't be moving I feel a need to really find my place here in Utah. To make friends and feel at home with where we are. Hopefully this will be easy for me. I have started planning a redo of our entire house. Last year we spent several months making it ready to sell, now I'm going to take time to make it a place we would like to live.

I am dreaming of new endeavors, planning big things for our future and truly focusing on the two sweet spirits I am blessed to call my daughters. Every day has seemed special and like something was missing at the same time. In my quiet moment earlier i realized for the first time that i didnt feel a need to check my pocket for the store phone. Simple, yet comforting. I have the opportunity to be a mother. I have always wanted to be successful in whatever profession i ended up in. I never only wanted to be a mom. Now i can see how much i misunderstood the role of a mother and how getting to only be a mom is one of the greatest blessings any woman can be given.

Devoting my time to my home, my husband and my daughters is fulfilling. It is not always easy. I need a lot of practice in it. But being home and completely focused on my family truly allows me to see just how beautiful life really is. 

Auntie May May is Serving a Mission

My sister Sarah is off to the MTC today. We chose to stay home while the rest of my family drops her off. I am not sure i would be able to let her out of the car if i were there and I know Leighton definitely would not make it easy for her to leave. Sarah and I have not always been close, but since graduating high school i tried very hard to form a relationship with all of my sisters, especially Sarah. She is now my best friend and really so much more than that. Sarah lived with us for a couple of years while she was in school and got to be here to see Leighton born and every exciting moment of her first year of life. 

Leighton says, Mommy, Daddy and May May like it is completely normal. Every child has a May May right? The person they can go straight to when mom and dad don't give them what they want? 

As excited as i am for my sister i cant help but feel sad that she is leaving. I almost feel a little upset, like how in the world is she okay with leaving me? I know it is totally selfish, but really who am i going to text 100 + times a day to give them a completely useless run down of my day... so leighton just peed her pants, Emerysn just rolled over, look at this ridiculously horrible grammar on someones insta? No one else wants to read my pathetic texts. I am sure she actually didn't care to either. But she did and i got to hear about cross fit, and her cleaning the house for the thousandth time. 

Columbia, South Carolina is gaining the most amazing Sister ever. I know Sarah will do well there. She already loves the south and is so prepared to share her testimony. People are drawn to her and she is easy to talk to and it doesn't hurt that she is one of the most beautiful women you can ever meet. The spirit is so strong when she speaks of the gospel and this is why i know i can let her leave for the next 18 months. The Lord needs her more than i do. There are people out there that need to church in their lives and thanks to two missionaries, I have already been blessed with it in mine. 

As much as i just want to complain about my sister leaving me, i hope she knows how proud i am of her. I don't think i would be the person i am today with out her example to follow. She has always been happy and kind hearted. Somehow she can only see the good in people and i have admired it so. I hope she knows that everyone at home will be praying for her, that she is supported and loved and that even if every day isn't easy, it is worth it. I know that serving a mission will not only bless the lives of others but hers as well. As she loses herself in the Lords work she will learn things that will help her for eternity. I want her to know that i support her because i too know that the church is true. That Joseph Smith was a true prophet and was called of God to restore the gospel to the earth. I know that through righteous living and being sealed in the temple my family can be together forever. To me there can be no greater joy than that which comes from living the standards of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

*If you'd like to follow Sarah's mission click here.

Motherly Advice {Being a Holy Woman}

A couple of weeks ago I read the most eye opening little book. Now if you aren't religious don't go running when I say the title is How to be a Holy Woman. This book fell on my head (literally) around Christmas time when I was looking for gifts for a few of the special women in my life. My mother in law passed it on to me after she finished with it. Basically it was about asking yourself what holiness means and how to help yourself to become a holier person.

What did I take from it? What are my priorities? Do i focus on them? How can I use my time for better rather than for useless things. 

I realized if I am going to be better I need to be present in my daughters lives, I stay home with them but it is so easy for me to stick them in front of the tv and focus on the home, work, and working out. While those things are great too they are not what is most important. I need to take time to focus on my childrens needs. 

I also need to work on supporting my husband. I have talked about this a lot. Lately I have felt very upset with how severely under paid he is. I tell him constantly to ask for a raise, his job doesn't appreciate how hard he works, and that they'll never let him move up where he is at. (Even though it's all true) I need to stop. I need to let him know he is a hard worker, that I appreciate how hard he works for our family and that if he is happy with what he does, then I am as well. 

Being a wife and mother is not always easy. I tend to feel like I'm always trying to "keep up". This is the last thing I am going to be working on. If I want to be holier or just better in general, I need to quit comparing myself to others and measure myself only against my past self. Have I improved from where I was a year ago? I'm not sure. But i plan to track my progress this way from now on.

Now on to my advice to you. What do you think a holy woman would do? Are you doing those things? Are you truly striving everyday to be better? If not, then make your own list. Put what you feel is most important at the top and start there. Everytime you feel that slight question in your mind whether what you are doing is right or not ask yourself will this make be a better person, is this what a holy woman would do? If not, change your course of action. I promise it helps. So far it has helped me to be calmer, to enjoy my children more and to see how simple life can be and still feel fulfilling. 

Sickness Has Taken Over

I shouldn't complain because the stomac flu is way way kinder than a lot of other things that people are going through. But I'm going to share anyways.

I have the most dramatic 2 year old ever! She totally gets it from her dad ;) Saturday she would hold her stomach, make groaning noises, throw her head back and then puke. It was awesome! then Sunday she pretended like she was a baby to be held all day and would pay her head and say ouch. Monday she wouldn't wake up. Seriously. I tried so many times to get her to get dressed so we could go to the doctors, luckily I already had an appointment for Em to get her shots. Dr. Polson knew something was wrong when she had to be carried in and never opened her eyes except to ask for a sucker. Poor thing had a super horrible ear infection.

Let me explain how sweet this babe is when she is sick. 

- she says thank you much to everything! I give her a kiss and she looks me in the eyes and says "thank you much" which just melts my heart because I say "thank you sooo much" when she does something extra great.

- she says I love you too even in her sleep. This stubborn girl refuses to say I love you and only because she is stubborn. But now she is sick and will say I lu too. And I LOVE it. 

So far little Em has escaped getting the stomach flu. But she had her shots and those are never fun. (I hate shots!) but Kaden and I probably would have traded in shots for the stomach big we caught. 

Wash your hands people! I swear this was all passed on to ifrom some toys Leighton played with at the local book store. Hopefully everyone feels great tomorrow and Leighton stays sweet. 

*we did wake up feeling way way better on Thursday and my spit fire child is back to normal. 

Stuart

Tonight I am missing Stuart. My pet tortoise passed away on February 20. She had been in my family for 16 years. I can still remember picking her out at Smitty's pet store and being so excited to bring her home. My dad and I were getting baptized that weekend and he let me count out his change jar. $100 in quarters later she was mine. She was perfect. A tiny little sulcata that could fit in the palm of my hand. I dreamed of her being large enough to ride and knew one day my children would be able to. Stuart would rome my room, the backyard, and even the house sometimes. She had such a personality for a tortoise, almost like a more self maintained and less cuddly dog. She had quite a few adventures in her time. She first moved into the back yard under our lemon trees in Lake Elsinore when she was 5 years old. Then after quite the growth spurt and moving to Logandale we let her take over the entire backyard. After our first year or two in Logandale she ran away. I think she was gone for about 3 months when finally one day our neighbor came strolling down the street with Stuart in a stroller. She had made her way out the back gate and across the alfalfa fields to the Staheli home. She managed to find a play house where she was used as a stool by the neighbor kids who thought she was a giant moving rock. I was so happy to have her return. I couldn't imagine her being gone forever back then. And i still can't now. 

It breaks my heart that my kids wont know her and that she wasn't able to out live me. I wish there was more i could have done for her, or that i would have known how sick she was. My heart breaks every time Leighton has asked for turtle this week. The day that Stuart passed away Leighton walked in my parents backyard and headed straight for Stuarts hole saying she was going to look for the turtle. I took her to see Stuart for the last time and she didn't want to leave her side. I loved how my mom said it today after she was buried. Rest in peace gentle giant.

Five Years

Kaden and I celebrated our fifth anniversary on Valentines day. In some ways i can not believe it has already been so long and in others i can't believe it has only been 5 years. In 5 years we have lived in two states, moved 4 times, bought a home, bought a car, attended school, finished school, had several different jobs, visited San Francisco 4 times, Disneyland 7 times, Mexico, Seattle and Nashville once, had three pregnancies and two beautiful daughters. We are so much more in love today than we were the day we said yes to spending eternity together. It is almost silly to think i knew what love was when i was only 19. We were obviously smitten by one another and couldn't stand the thought of not being together forever, but we have truly grown so much over the past few years. We are best friends, we are lovers and we are parents. Kaden works so hard to provide for our little family and make sure we are happy. I hope my loving husband knows how absolutely sure i am that i made the best decision 5 years ago when i committed to an eternity with him by my side. 

She is Blessed

Emersyn Hope Leavitt

was given a name and a blessing on February 9.

Kaden blessed our sweet girl in our ward surrounded by family and few close friends. 

The things that were said were so perfect for our dear Emersyn. She smiled through out her entire blessing and had every man surrounding her smiling back. Our little girl is still so fresh from heaven i can't help but feel a little closer to the Lord every time i hold her. Her blessing said a lot about her testimony and her helping her families testimonies to grow.